Beer Pong was invented by the Devil

____I played beer pong for the first time last night and I am now unquestioningly convinced that beer pong was, in fact, invented by the devil. I'd seen the game played in various bars around the city but never wanted to be that guy who suggested to friends "hey! let's play that game. Yeah, the one with the beer and the cups and ... Oh yeah, balls!! c'mon! who doesn't love a good game played with balls??!". Last night, after my team's volleyball match, I was that guy - minus all the Brokebackian emphasis on "balls" of course. We had somehow found ourselves at what should probably only be described as a "beer pong bar". Fine... I'm familiar with the first and third words there, but "pong"? I know "pong" well, but only when associated with it's brother "ping". Anywhoo... As my team is wont to do and as wisely directed by the medical professionals, our team drinks many inhebriating beverages after our volleyball matches. Beer after sports? Strange, I know - that's how we roll though so dont question it. (sidenote: I kicked so much volleyball ass last night, everyone walked out in diapers)

____As we began to play the beer pong, something quickly dawned on me - beer pong is comically dangerous and should be probably be outlawed in most US States and territories. It is an abomination to any semblance of common sense you may have thought you had. It is a game designed by a cruel and spiteful evil entity with no real purpose other than to make people drink FAST ...and to make sure each player drinks at least a pitcher of beer in a very short time.

____For those who haven't played, the quick rules of the game are this: Your team and your opponents' have ten cups half filled with beer. You try to throw a ball into their cups to make them drink the now ping-pong-ball-dirtied-beer, they try the same at your cups. the last team with cups standing drinks all the remaining beer. There are other rules but you will quickly be too drunk to remember them.

____It's a game that blends the mind-blowingly intense excitement of throwing crumpled up paper into a trashcan with the pathological compulsion to drink for more than just "drinking's sake". Why? Because "it's fun!!" Fun like russian roulette is fun. Fun like pounding shots so you can see a stack of little empty glasses is fun. It's remarkably similiar to a game I just invented called: "you drink!" "ok, now YOU drink!" "ok ok... now YOU drink!! hee hee" "OK, done..! now you drink!". Sadly, my game is woefully devoid of balls.

____I ... almost threw up in my mouth just now when I saw this picture of a 100 cup variation of the game. From the wikipedia Beer Pong entry - my favorite parts: having a remarkably simple premise, the game has a great depth of skill and strategy with different kinds of shots, cooperative planning, and a large element of confrontational psychology. These elements combined with the debilitating effects of alcohol creates a complex alluring game, or as some say, a sport. ........... There may be up to two officials observing one game. These officials should be unbiased individuals competent in the rules of the game (just like Russian roulette should probably have unbiased officials) ............ [empty cups] should never be stacked upon each other, as dirt and dust from the bottom of the cups can contaminate the cups for the next game. Newbies to beer pong are notorious for committing this act. (ahem, it seems we were newbies last night) ........... Mesquite, Nevada held the World Series of Beer Pong from January 2 - 6, 2006. (Mesquite, Nevada had absolutely nothing better to do from January 2-6, 2006)
....see also: Beer distribution and formations
....see also: Blowing/fingering
....see also: this picture of a beer pong referee
...and of course, the online video game, beer pong so you can practice at work.

____All in all, we actually had a great night (imagine that: drinking + a lot of = great night) And as much as I just talked a lotta shite about beer pong.... umm... it was... objectively speaking even... well..... kinda fun.